Israel Jan 25

We began the day with a great hike. The “outdoors” was finally connecting with the Israel, and I loved it. This hike was up to Mt. Zephacot, an overlook of the Red Sea. The hike started out basically flat and going through beautiful desert mountain scenery. I was way behind because I stayed back with Courtney and Lucia. I felt bad for Courtney because her foot was hurting so she couldn’t keep up with Chen’s pace. They ended up not letting her finish this hike, which was a real bummer. But while I was still with her and Lucia, we sang songs and made random animal noises. Israel brings out the best in everybody. Eventually we caught up with the group halfway through the hike because Chen stopped to talk. We also got a wonderful performance of animal behavior by Mike #1, Jenn, Andrew and Kyle. To sum up the performance, Mike narrated, Andrew and Kyle sang love songs and rubbed asses together, and Andrew rubbed harder so he got the prize, Jenn. I see a Tony in their futures. This is where Chen made Courtney stop because we were about to go steep uphill. We climbed uphill for a couple minutes and Chen made us hold hands and walk up the last 10 yards with our eyes closed to make the view a surprise. I almost tripped about 3 times. Chen would have had a lawsuit on his hands if I face-planted and damaged the money maker. When we got to the top, the view was so worth the tripping. Of course I immediately got my camera out and started snapping. I followed my life motto perfectly: “take way too many pictures, it will never be enough”. The view was breathtaking. We could see Jordan and Saudi Arabia across the Red Sea and Egypt right next to us. I walked away from the group for a couple minutes just to soak it all in before I got lassoed back by Jenna. The hike back down the other side had amazing views and was very steep. It also brought us our first roar. Ryan was up ahead and Kyle told Andrew to yell at him to roar. The roar was so beautiful. I felt as if Mr. T was whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I can’t say that Jenna felt the same way as me. She was right next to him and didn’t see it coming. It is very likely that the crotch of her pants was soaked after that one. Speaking of peeing, Andrew and Kyle made me take a picture of them peeing off some rocks from behind, too. No further discussion of that. After the hike we rode back to the beach for our 2 hour time on own at the Red Sea. Right when we got there we had to take a quick group picture. After the picture, Kyle told me to slap Andrew’s ass as hard as I possibly could and he would tape it. Unfortunately, I did it. I could have sworn Andrew took two huge rocks from the hike and stuck them down the back of his pants. That boy must get to the gym. My hand was throbbing for the next 10 minutes. He got me back later on the bus, which I prefer not to recount. As much as I want to forget how bad his revenge was, I would like to forget what happened next even more. But I can’t. So I’m going to briefly go over it. We went to the first restaurant we passed by and sat down. There were great seats right on the water, but Farrah, Jordan, Dave, Josh, Shayna, Andrew, Kyle and me sat under the shelter. The waiter came and we put our orders in. 10 minutes later we find out they only have enough meat for 2 kabobs and we ordered 3, so I changed to a burger. Shit hit the fan from there because our waiter wasn’t the smartest duck in the pond. Actually, he could have possibly been the dumbest. He claimed he was hit by a car 4 years ago. With how stupid he was, I’d be tempted to believe him. All the food came out at different times and Jordan and I never got ours. We complained and the waiter tried to fix things but just made it all worse. Kyle couldn’t complain to the manager because the manager only spoke Hebrew (this is starting to sound like the plot for a Seinfeld episode). The waiter brought us the check and it was way too much. Arguments ensued. Yada yada yada. We calculated on a calculator what the actual bill should be and that’s what we left there, then everyone walked away. I walked 10 feet to the seats on the beach and the waiter asked me about the tip. I replied, “No soup for you!!” Actually, I just said no, but I wish I had said that. After about 10 more minutes the waiter came to Katherine and I and tried to get Katherine to pay 46 shekels for my burger that I never got. I know, it makes no sense. Katherine wasn’t even at our table. The waiter said he was gonna go get something to prove he was right. When he left to get it, Katherine and I walked away. By the time people got their food and the arguing was over, our 2 hours was up. So we got on the bus and headed to a surprise (which I already knew). It was Nir’s air force base!! On the bus ride people shared crazing dating stories, my favorite of which being Michelle smacking a guy in the face with a slice of pizza. I never appreciated her not hating me more than at that moment. Also on the ride, Chen got on the mic and said something about the Base of the Vaginas and Vagina Mountain, but nobody really heard exactly what they were. And for Jordana’s sake, I’ll say vagina 6 more times. When we got to the base, I was as excited as a group of 22-26 year olds at a playground. When I saw Nir I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. He looked a little embarrassed to be hugged by a handsome man in front of the 3 air force girls that were there, but I don’t care. I couldn’t help myself. And I know he enjoyed it. Nir took us back to a room to watch a video and then he did a quick powerpoint presentation for us. After that, we went to go see the Apache helicopters that he flies. We started by having Nir tell us all about the helicopter. Unfortunately, he is not much of a public speaker so no one could hear him over the background noise except Andrew, because Andrew was practically humping his leg like a dog (I’m so jealous of Andrew). Then, after Nir talked, he let everybody get in the helicopter! Andrew was first to go in as an example after Nir shook him off his leg. Andrew got to put the helmet on and the eye piece and the whole shebang. Damn you, Andrew!! Kyle and I decided to wait till the end so we cold be Maverick and Goose without people rushing us. It was so cool!! I got the front gunner position so I was Goose, and Kyle was the pilot in the back so he was Maverick. Lucia ended up going after us, so I guess that makes her Iceman. I knew I wouldn’t die during ejection like Goose though, because helicopters don’t have ejection seats. What happens is the gun underneath the front of the helicopter moves into a position where it won’t, as Nir said, “go up the gunner’s ass”, and the engine’s drop off to make for a lighter landing. I found that very interesting. There wasn’t much room in the helicopter seats, but they were actually kinda comfy. Also, there were 293,394-ish buttons in the chopper, and somehow Nir knows what each one does. Sadly, we eventually had to leave Nir and the base. We drove Nir back to his building and before he got off, he came down the isle to the back of the bus for the sole purpose of giving me and Andrew goodbye hugs. Roommates for 5 days are roommates forever. He even gave me a kiss on the cheek!! Haven’t washed the right since. It’s hard to keep up, but so worth it!! I felt special after that hug, even though he probably did it because he knew that Andrew and I would chase him down if he didn’t. So we rode off into the night to our Bedouin tent. We got to the tent, which was made of, maybe, goat skin? It was also heated. We started out by seeing a presentation by a “real” Bedouin. I put real in quotes not because he wasn’t a real Bedouin, but because his presentation was scripted and touristy. At the end of his presentation he told us a joke, but it had to be translated by Chen because I guess it wasn’t part of the English script. The funniest parts were when the Bedouin would tell Chen the next part to translate, and he would laugh so hard with his yellow rotting teeth on display. So funny! Then Chen would translate it to us in English and it wouldn’t really make sense at all, or be funny. After that was dinner. We sat on cushions on the floor and had delicious kabobs with rice, hummus and tortillas. Great dinner! Afterward there was a small bonfire outside. But before I went to that, I saw that Katherine was cracking people’s backs. I felt bad asking her to crack mine too, because there was a huge line. But with my bad back problems for the past 8 years, I’ve learned never to pass up an opportunity to make it feel a little better for a second. That was the second time I fell in love with Katherine on this trip. Katherine, if you ever read this somehow, I owe you big time!! Whatever you need. So I went after to the fire for a little bit. When it got too windy and cold I headed in and relaxed on my double 2-inch mattress bed for a while. While talking to Jordana there, I found out her ultimate unreachable dream job was to be a National Geographic photographer. She has to be cool, because any person that has the exact same ultimate unreachable dream job as me obviously has to be cool. After a little while talking to her I fell asleep somehow, amidst the jibber-jabber of Freddie, Jesse and Mike #1.