Israel Jan 26

We woke up this morning in a tent while laying on dusty thin mattresses and under dusty, thin, unzipped sleeping bags. We went over to the building next to the tent to have breakfast which, for me, consisted of freshly cooked tortilla type bread with hazelnutless Nutella on it. American athletes eat Wheaties, Bedouin camel riders eat Nutella-like substances on tortilla-like bread. 6 in one, half-dozen in the other. After breakfast it was time to ride the camels!! The Bedouin’s set up an obstacle course with jumps and we were timed on how fast our camel could jump all of them. If a camel hit the a bar, we got points take off. I really wish that was what it was like (especially because Katherine was my camel comrade and she used to be on the equestrian team), but it was fun anyways. I attempted to get pictures of everyone on their camels before Katherine and I got on Seymour (our camel), but I didn’t quite get everyone. We got on and went for about a 20 minute ride with a nice viewpoint about halfway. Riding on a camel with a beautiful girl on Bedouin land: check that off my bucket list. After camel riding we did a canyon hike (I think it’s Nahal Chavarim). It was a great hike and I stayed in the back with Lucia and Courtney again. We did catch up to Ben and Hannah at one point though, because Ben got stuck in some very deep mud that took him a while to get out of. When we caught up with the rest of the group, it was in a little valley. From there, Chen told all of us to spread out, take a seat and have about 15 minutes of meditation/peace time. The most at peace I could ever be is at a high point taking pictures of an amazing view. So that’s what I did. I climbed as high as possible and took pictures. Mike #1 and I were the only two people to climb. It was pretty spectacular. But not even the peace brought me all the way to nirvana. That moment came just after the peace when everyone continued the hike while Andrew, Kyle, Papa Bear and I stayed behind. Now since the dawn of the Birthright age, many a men have attempted to roar topless for the sake of being a man. What they didn’t know is that there was a manlier man out there. Out of all the roars I have ever heard come from topless Jewish men- you know what, I’ll even throw all the Gentile roars in there too- none have been executed with such ferocity and vigor as the one I heard on that day from the man, the myth, the legend, Papa Bear. Against popular belief, the stumble after the roar was not from clumsiness, but from the exhaustion due to the sheer magnitude of energy exerted during the roar. We even got a thumbs up after the stumble from Papa as acknowledgement that he went head first into that dangerous endeavor and made it out alive. That, ladies and gentlemen, was the moment I reached nirvana. If there was a word to describe something more powerful than a roar, that’s what I would use to describe what I experienced. That’s why I came up with my own word. From now on, I will refer not to it as “Papa’s roar”, but the more powerful and meaningful “Papa’s chen”. The rest of the hike can’t match what just happened, so there is no point in describing it. After the hike we went to Ben Gurion’s home, which is now a museum. It’s up high and has a great view of the surrounding desert canyon/mountains. We all had lunch up there as well, at a place 200 yards from the museum. After lunch we had about 10 minutes to waste before we left. So, in a move that SHOULD be unexpected from a group of 22-26 year olds (but really didn’t surprise me with this group), everyone went over to the playground and went down the slides and rode the bouncy horsies. You should only lose your inner child the second you die, because if it’s any earlier, you might as well be dead. That’s why I loved this group so much…unlimited amount of inner child. We then got on the bus and headed to a kibbutz where we picked a bunch of fresh produce including carrots, tomatoes, basil, cumquats (tiny orange type fruits about the size of large grapes), mini lemons and mini limes. With the cumquats and mini lemons/limes we made necklaces. Some people also got to hold homing pigeons and release them in one big moment of glory. Before Eugene let go, he let me and a couple other people take pictures of him kissing his pigeon. Whenever I feel down now, I just think of that image and it makes me smile. There is actually an innumerable amount of moments on the trip that would make me smile, but this image is just a notch above. After that we headed to Tel Aviv and did a very interesting text study/discussion before we went to our hotel. Almost the moment Kyle, Andrew and I got to our room, Kyle went to do his business. I’m sure it was lovely, but it’s obviously something most people prefer to dispense of as soon as possible. Unfortunately, it clogged the toilet (well done Kyle) and it wouldn’t flush. So we called to the desk for help because the hall and the elevators already smelled like #2, and we didn’t need our room to as well. So he came up and had no tools in hand. He asked what happened and confidently strolled into the bathroom. About 10 seconds later we heard a loud noise and a scream from the bathroom. Andrew and Kyle ran to check on him and he calmly responded that he was ok. He then just poured a bunch of water into the toiled and flushed. Clean as a whistle. After that and Andrew’s 6 hour shower, everyone went out to a bar right on the Mediterranean. Tal met up with us in Tel Aviv and came out to the bar with everyone, which made my night. Viktoria, Dan, Stacey and I left the bar after a little while to go walk on the beach for a couple minutes. When we got back to the bar, some people were about to head to a club and some were heading back to the hotel. I was pooped so I headed back and fell asleep soon after.

Israel Jan 25

We began the day with a great hike. The “outdoors” was finally connecting with the Israel, and I loved it. This hike was up to Mt. Zephacot, an overlook of the Red Sea. The hike started out basically flat and going through beautiful desert mountain scenery. I was way behind because I stayed back with Courtney and Lucia. I felt bad for Courtney because her foot was hurting so she couldn’t keep up with Chen’s pace. They ended up not letting her finish this hike, which was a real bummer. But while I was still with her and Lucia, we sang songs and made random animal noises. Israel brings out the best in everybody. Eventually we caught up with the group halfway through the hike because Chen stopped to talk. We also got a wonderful performance of animal behavior by Mike #1, Jenn, Andrew and Kyle. To sum up the performance, Mike narrated, Andrew and Kyle sang love songs and rubbed asses together, and Andrew rubbed harder so he got the prize, Jenn. I see a Tony in their futures. This is where Chen made Courtney stop because we were about to go steep uphill. We climbed uphill for a couple minutes and Chen made us hold hands and walk up the last 10 yards with our eyes closed to make the view a surprise. I almost tripped about 3 times. Chen would have had a lawsuit on his hands if I face-planted and damaged the money maker. When we got to the top, the view was so worth the tripping. Of course I immediately got my camera out and started snapping. I followed my life motto perfectly: “take way too many pictures, it will never be enough”. The view was breathtaking. We could see Jordan and Saudi Arabia across the Red Sea and Egypt right next to us. I walked away from the group for a couple minutes just to soak it all in before I got lassoed back by Jenna. The hike back down the other side had amazing views and was very steep. It also brought us our first roar. Ryan was up ahead and Kyle told Andrew to yell at him to roar. The roar was so beautiful. I felt as if Mr. T was whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I can’t say that Jenna felt the same way as me. She was right next to him and didn’t see it coming. It is very likely that the crotch of her pants was soaked after that one. Speaking of peeing, Andrew and Kyle made me take a picture of them peeing off some rocks from behind, too. No further discussion of that. After the hike we rode back to the beach for our 2 hour time on own at the Red Sea. Right when we got there we had to take a quick group picture. After the picture, Kyle told me to slap Andrew’s ass as hard as I possibly could and he would tape it. Unfortunately, I did it. I could have sworn Andrew took two huge rocks from the hike and stuck them down the back of his pants. That boy must get to the gym. My hand was throbbing for the next 10 minutes. He got me back later on the bus, which I prefer not to recount. As much as I want to forget how bad his revenge was, I would like to forget what happened next even more. But I can’t. So I’m going to briefly go over it. We went to the first restaurant we passed by and sat down. There were great seats right on the water, but Farrah, Jordan, Dave, Josh, Shayna, Andrew, Kyle and me sat under the shelter. The waiter came and we put our orders in. 10 minutes later we find out they only have enough meat for 2 kabobs and we ordered 3, so I changed to a burger. Shit hit the fan from there because our waiter wasn’t the smartest duck in the pond. Actually, he could have possibly been the dumbest. He claimed he was hit by a car 4 years ago. With how stupid he was, I’d be tempted to believe him. All the food came out at different times and Jordan and I never got ours. We complained and the waiter tried to fix things but just made it all worse. Kyle couldn’t complain to the manager because the manager only spoke Hebrew (this is starting to sound like the plot for a Seinfeld episode). The waiter brought us the check and it was way too much. Arguments ensued. Yada yada yada. We calculated on a calculator what the actual bill should be and that’s what we left there, then everyone walked away. I walked 10 feet to the seats on the beach and the waiter asked me about the tip. I replied, “No soup for you!!” Actually, I just said no, but I wish I had said that. After about 10 more minutes the waiter came to Katherine and I and tried to get Katherine to pay 46 shekels for my burger that I never got. I know, it makes no sense. Katherine wasn’t even at our table. The waiter said he was gonna go get something to prove he was right. When he left to get it, Katherine and I walked away. By the time people got their food and the arguing was over, our 2 hours was up. So we got on the bus and headed to a surprise (which I already knew). It was Nir’s air force base!! On the bus ride people shared crazing dating stories, my favorite of which being Michelle smacking a guy in the face with a slice of pizza. I never appreciated her not hating me more than at that moment. Also on the ride, Chen got on the mic and said something about the Base of the Vaginas and Vagina Mountain, but nobody really heard exactly what they were. And for Jordana’s sake, I’ll say vagina 6 more times. When we got to the base, I was as excited as a group of 22-26 year olds at a playground. When I saw Nir I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. He looked a little embarrassed to be hugged by a handsome man in front of the 3 air force girls that were there, but I don’t care. I couldn’t help myself. And I know he enjoyed it. Nir took us back to a room to watch a video and then he did a quick powerpoint presentation for us. After that, we went to go see the Apache helicopters that he flies. We started by having Nir tell us all about the helicopter. Unfortunately, he is not much of a public speaker so no one could hear him over the background noise except Andrew, because Andrew was practically humping his leg like a dog (I’m so jealous of Andrew). Then, after Nir talked, he let everybody get in the helicopter! Andrew was first to go in as an example after Nir shook him off his leg. Andrew got to put the helmet on and the eye piece and the whole shebang. Damn you, Andrew!! Kyle and I decided to wait till the end so we cold be Maverick and Goose without people rushing us. It was so cool!! I got the front gunner position so I was Goose, and Kyle was the pilot in the back so he was Maverick. Lucia ended up going after us, so I guess that makes her Iceman. I knew I wouldn’t die during ejection like Goose though, because helicopters don’t have ejection seats. What happens is the gun underneath the front of the helicopter moves into a position where it won’t, as Nir said, “go up the gunner’s ass”, and the engine’s drop off to make for a lighter landing. I found that very interesting. There wasn’t much room in the helicopter seats, but they were actually kinda comfy. Also, there were 293,394-ish buttons in the chopper, and somehow Nir knows what each one does. Sadly, we eventually had to leave Nir and the base. We drove Nir back to his building and before he got off, he came down the isle to the back of the bus for the sole purpose of giving me and Andrew goodbye hugs. Roommates for 5 days are roommates forever. He even gave me a kiss on the cheek!! Haven’t washed the right since. It’s hard to keep up, but so worth it!! I felt special after that hug, even though he probably did it because he knew that Andrew and I would chase him down if he didn’t. So we rode off into the night to our Bedouin tent. We got to the tent, which was made of, maybe, goat skin? It was also heated. We started out by seeing a presentation by a “real” Bedouin. I put real in quotes not because he wasn’t a real Bedouin, but because his presentation was scripted and touristy. At the end of his presentation he told us a joke, but it had to be translated by Chen because I guess it wasn’t part of the English script. The funniest parts were when the Bedouin would tell Chen the next part to translate, and he would laugh so hard with his yellow rotting teeth on display. So funny! Then Chen would translate it to us in English and it wouldn’t really make sense at all, or be funny. After that was dinner. We sat on cushions on the floor and had delicious kabobs with rice, hummus and tortillas. Great dinner! Afterward there was a small bonfire outside. But before I went to that, I saw that Katherine was cracking people’s backs. I felt bad asking her to crack mine too, because there was a huge line. But with my bad back problems for the past 8 years, I’ve learned never to pass up an opportunity to make it feel a little better for a second. That was the second time I fell in love with Katherine on this trip. Katherine, if you ever read this somehow, I owe you big time!! Whatever you need. So I went after to the fire for a little bit. When it got too windy and cold I headed in and relaxed on my double 2-inch mattress bed for a while. While talking to Jordana there, I found out her ultimate unreachable dream job was to be a National Geographic photographer. She has to be cool, because any person that has the exact same ultimate unreachable dream job as me obviously has to be cool. After a little while talking to her I fell asleep somehow, amidst the jibber-jabber of Freddie, Jesse and Mike #1.

Israel Jan 24

Everyone was so excited to wake up at 4:30 this morning! The reason for the early wake up was so we could make it to Masada to see the sunrise. Very worth it, and romantic as well. And I am the kind of person that never likes to waste a good romantic moment. So, I spent the beautiful sunrise taking pictures with Kyle and Andrew. Fulfill romantic moment? Check. I think out of the 50 or so people pictures that were on my camera from Masada, 75 of them either have Andrew in them or were taken by him. At least there were no mirrors up there so he couldn’t take pictures of himself topless. I do remember taking one picture though, one that will be etched in my memory forever and ever: the very first tiger picture of Lucy. Grrrrrrrrr! Masada was great and had spectacular 360 degree views with the Dead Sea on one side and the desert the rest of the way around. The way down Masada we took the snake path which is a decently steep downhill, which was pure happiness flowing through my knees. From the snake path we walked 2 minutes to our breakfast location. Breakfast was the usual food, but I got lucky enough to sit with Jordana, Katherine, Pheobe, Anna and Melissa. Breakfast with beautiful girls in a beautiful place, what else could I ask for? Maybe dinner? No. The one thing more I could have hoped for appeared on my trip up for a bit of hummus. Her name was Mira. Just typing the name gives me goose bumps. Many people joked about her being my mom, but the immediate connection we had was no joke. It was like love at first sight, or something along those lines. At the end of breakfast I got my picture eating with Jordana. Phew. Almost missed that opportunity because of Mira. After breakfast we went on what must have been the Ein Bokek nature walk. It was a short canyon hike with gorgeous blue-green water and a nice waterfall at the end. Jenn, Michelle and Jesse jumped in a pool about half way up the hike which looked like so much fun, but I didn’t want to get my clothes wet for the 2 hour bus ride later. Jesse jumped in wearing just his Under Armor underwear and his Brooklyn tan. I’ve never seen him look more like a rapper than at that moment. During Chen’s talk by the waterfall, Eva took my camera and took pictures of random things around her and tried to explain how each picture represented Israel in some way. Absolutely hilarious!! We then had a couple people say how they were feeling about the soldiers leaving. I’m not gonna admit how close I was to crying when I did my tiny little speech. I would write down everything I feel about the soldiers leaving write here but I honestly can’t. First of all, it would take up the rest of the pages in my journal and I need them for the rest of the days. Secondly, it’s been 3 days since I got back and I haven’t looked at my pictures yet because they make me a little sad. If looking at pictures makes me sad, writing my feelings down would be a disaster. So the soldiers left and we went to Ein Bokek beach, our own private beach on the Dead Sea. The sun was playing hide and seek with us and the water was a little chilly. I just wanna say now that the most impressive feat of the day was that Josh floated in the sea basically the whole time we were there, and it was chilly. He just laid back, floated and drank a beer. On my way in it took a while for me to get in all the way. I stood there with Shayna, at a water level just below the danger zone, for about ten minutes before both of us ended up going in. It was really something else. You think about how it will feel to float in the Dead Sea, but it’s just so much better actually doing it. I’m not even gonna attempt to describe it. On the way out, I got the salt from the sea floor rubbed on my back (I don’t remember too clearly by who, but I’m sure it was an attractive girl) which actually felt really good. My skin was as soft as a baby’s bottom after that. Then, Papa Bear came in, and it was so funny that we asked him to go back out and do it again so we could get it on video. When we got out, my skin had a greasy feel to it. Weird. Then, on the way to the outdoor shower, Andrew, Stu, Kyle and I saw something that really only we need to know. Then Andrew started singing about it. Hilarious!! We then ate lunch and relaxed for a while before getting back on the bus to head to Eilat. When we got to Eilat, we had a free night out on the boardwalk. Who woulda thunk that 22-26 year olds would have to be told when they have a free night out? But hey, when I pay for my own trip, I’ll choose my nights out. Viktoria and I walked the boardwalk for a while looking at shops and stuff. It was nice, and we came across a shop with stuffed dancing dwarves from the 7 dwarves. Jesse and Music Mike were with us at the time. Jesse picked up one of the dwarves and pressed his hand to make him sing. To no one’s surprise, the dwarf sang the same line over and over again. To everyone’s surprise, the last word of the repeated line was the n-word!! We were all delightfully shocked. After that, Viktoria and I kept walking and eventually made it to the big screen where the Jets game was playing. A bunch of us sat and watched the game, and were surrounded by even more obnoxious Jews, many of them older gentleman. I blinked my eyes a couple times and then opened them to make sure I wasn’t in the Carnegie Deli. I headed back at halftime and ended up going to bed a couple minutes later.

Israel Jan 23

Slept late this morning. Amazing!!! Not too much happened today. Neil Lazarus talked to us about Middle East politics and jammed a semester’s worth of info into an hour. Loved his British accent though. We also went for a walk around the neighborhood which was really nice. On the walk we walked by the biblical zoo, which is the only name of anything on the walk I remember. I ended up in the back, like always, because of my lack of walking speed and my disease that forces me to take too many pictures. Luckily Shayna stayed back with me and kept me company, and Courtney and Lucia were in the back as well. After the walk we headed on the bus to the Negev and stayed the night in a hostel. I sat next to Eva on the ride and we played dots and talked. OBVIOUSLY I let her beat me in dots. We got to the hostel, Andrew, Nir and I had our nightly talk, and then we went to bed because we had to wake up early the next morning.

Israel Jan 22

What a gorgeous day!! We woke up and drove to the Haas Promenade, a viewpoint over a valley of the old city. It was a wonderful view but I just couldn’t seem to work it into a good picture. We took a group picture there and Chen told us all the things we were looking at, and then we got back on the bus and continued to the old city. On the bus I found out that Ronan loves Seinfeld and so do many Israelis. Israel just became a little more attractive to me when I found that out. The first thing we saw when we got off the bus at the old city was t he bullet holes in the side of the wall. Makes you count your lucky stars. We started walking through parts of it and it was as beautiful a city as there is, not only visually but historically as well. And luckily the weather was just as beautiful as the city. We walked by a residence in the city and Eva told me that it was owned by a rich American couple who hosts soldiers to dinner quite often. She had been there once before for dinner which is why she knew that. Along the lines of her getting special treatment, she told me later sometime that she got a pendant from the wife of the Prime Minister of Georgia when she came to her base. She showed me a picture of it. It wasn’t the prettiest piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen, but it was still really cool. But anyways, after a little while we had shopping time on own in a little market. Adam and Jenna guarded the end of the market where it turned into the Arab market. We weren’t allowed to got into the Arab market for safety reasons I guess. In the market, Nadav bought an “Israeli bagel” and let everyone try it. It was a big piece of dough that you dip in this salty, dry spice mixture. It was very salty but tasted quite good. We then left the market to head to the Western wall. We had to go through security to get into the courtyard of the wall. Because Andrew, Kyle, Lucia and I were way behind (because Andrew wanted to take a picture that looked like he was holding up the dome on the Dome of the Rock), we missed out on Ben’s little debacle. Apparently he didn’t tell anyone he had a knife longer than the width of his 4 fingers in his pocket, so he got caught at security. Nir tried to fix everything because he is in the service, but he wasn’t a guard like them (I personally would have succumbed to his charm). So Ronan had to help, and because he is a guard, they let Ben off the hook and Ronan had to hold his knife. Ben apparently would have gone to jail if Ronan didn’t save him. Hey, shit happens, right? So after we made it through security we headed to the wall. On the way I tried to take a picture of the Israeli flag flying in front of the wall, but the wind wouldn’t blow it. Bummer. Also on the way to the wall, there was a bucket thing with paper kippahs in it for people that didn’t have one to wear to the wall. SOUVENIER!! Before we put our notes in the wall, we went into the synagogue in the tunnel to the left of the wall. It was quite interesting, and I feel bad for the girls because they couldn’t come on the men’s side to see the synagogue. Men couldn’t go on the women’s side either, but I’m sure there was nothing as cool as the tunnel synagogue over there. Boo ya! There were some odd outfits, styles and looks in the synagogue and at the wall, including boxes on people foreheads and straps wrapping all up peoples arms. But who am I to judge considering all I wear ever is pajamas, sweat pants and gym shorts. Whatever makes you happy and gives you peace of mind. There was also a small part of the floor that was glass so we could see how high the wall was at one point and all the different levels of it. We then went to go put our notes in the wall outside. We all got picture doing it (Andrew, Kyle and I) and I put Raji’s note in for him as well as mine. I’ll never tell Chen, but I didn’t feel anything powerful when I was at the wall other than the history. I guess I wasn’t blessed with the gift of faith. The good thing about that though is it forces me to live the hell out of life until I die. When we left the wall we went to meet at the flag. I tried to get Eva to take a picture with me but she denied me. Devastating!! I would have shed a tear if it wouldn’t have ruined my reputation as a manly man. I’m an optimist though; I like to think she wouldn’t take a picture with me because I would have made her look bad (even though it’s not possible for me to make someone look bad in a picture, especially her). But hey, every time a door closes another one opens. And mine opened: the wind blew and I got my picture of the Israeli flag in front of the wall that I couldn’t get before. Hell ya!!! After we all met there we got a group picture and left the old city. I would have liked to see some of the Christian and Muslim sites while we were there, but I guess I’ll have to wait till I finally get accepted to the Southern Baptist Ministries Birthright trip. I’m crossing my fingers. After the old city I know we went to Mahane Yehuda, the marketplace, but for the life of me I can’t remember it. So anyways, we headed back after the marketplace and relaxed before Shabbat. The Shabbat dinner was quite good and afterwards everybody started pounding on the tables and clapping and singing for about an hour straight. We could totally make a Stomp video purely from Shabbat dinner. Later that night we gathered together for a little mitzvah. We snacked on all different snacks that people bought from the market earlier that day. We relaxed and talked afterwards for a while, until Eva decided she wanted to play “sheep”. So we gathered people and ended up with a huge game. I have never had more fun and laughs acting like a kindergartener. After “sheep”, Andrew, Laura, Shayna, Anna, Nir and I went to our room to play Yaniff, an Israeli game that, according to Nir, was invented by tankers. It’s a great game and it took the new people a while to get the hang of it. While playing, people started trickling in and watching, talking, playing music and whatever. Then Courtney came in and said, “I brought friends!” Behind her were 9 Argentineans, all guys (throwing off my ratio). Before we knew it we had 22 people in our room (Andrew counted). So of course, what else do you do with 22 people other than play “sheep”!! It lasted for a little while then everyone just started talking and what not. We were up late because we didn’t have to wake up till 11:30 the next morning because of Shabbat. I was tired so I got up and laid down behind Eva and Lindsay on Andrew’s bed just to relax. I guess I gave off some bad vibes doing that because, within 10 seconds of me moving, everybody had gotten up and left. You mess up the order and chaos follows. I like to think it’s because everybody was intimidated by me, and when the big boy is tired people get the hell out of his room. Wishful thinking. About 5 minutes after everyone had left, Laura and Anna came back in the room “looking for their key.” I think it was actually a classic case of the George Costanza leave behind, but what do I know. Either way, they got a heck of a show. When they came in, Nir and I were in bed (in only our underwear of course) and we both pulled our covers off to our waste to help look for the key (the ironic part is that Andrew, of all people, was the only one without his shirt off). I thought our rock-hard chiseled upper bodies were enough to make any girl melt, but Nir decided to bring out the big guns. He got out of bed and stood up in his tight underwear, with his FedEx package very prominent in the front and a tiger on his ass. What a fucking man!! And the best part is that he put a shirt on (common courtesy, of course), but it didn’t even reach his undies, so it left everything that was previously showing, showing. That was the moment that I fell in love with Nir Hunger. The rest of the story is for me and the other participants to know, and whoever reads this to…well…not know. Needless to say, we never found the key :)